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 World's worst nudge

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EvaBrick
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PostSubject: World's worst nudge   Thu Feb 24, 2011 9:29 am

Here's something I came up with when I was messing around with some ideas. It's just a joke! tongue


Dear Agent,

I really don't know what to say. I thought we had something beautiful...

It all happened exactly as I'd dreamed it would. I sent you a query, you responded and asked for a partial. I sent the partial and you asked for the full. It was like you couldn't get enough of me! I felt like we really clicked in those short one-liner e-mails... I waited to hear back from you. I had my hair done and everything because I was SURE that you were going to invite me to NYC and we'd fall in love and you'd sell all my books and I'd be totally rich and you'd be totally admiring of me... I mean, when you say, "I prefer .rtf files," what else is a girl supposed to think?

I believed so strongly in the strength of our relationship and in the devine twists of fate that JUST HAD TO BRING US TOGETHER that I waited four whole months before I sent you the first nudge. It hurt me to send that nudge. I'm not kidding - I felt actual physical pain because I knew that we were drifting apart... but I hung in there. I sent you flowers! I sent you diabetic chocolate, cause my friend found out you were diabetic when she went through your trash. Did you find the concert tickets under your winshield wiper? I hope you took my manuscript and not your floozy intern, you son of a bitch!

And the pictures - I can't believe I took those pictures and sent them to you... I've never done anything like that before, but I wanted you to see some cover ideas I had for our beautiful manuscript. I made a fool out of myself for you!

We were perfect for each other, you cad! But my manuscript was never good enough for you, was it? You just felt it up a little and tossed it on your slush pile with your other used, papercliped pages.

Goodbye forever! You've ruined my life!

D. Ranged
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callie
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PostSubject: Re: World's worst nudge   Fri Feb 25, 2011 11:29 am

Whoa! This could be the beginning of a new CSI script. Nudge nudge poke poke! tongue
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InkSlinger
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PostSubject: Re: World's worst nudge   Fri Feb 25, 2011 12:36 pm

Heh heh heh... good one. yuck

How's this for a bad query letter?


Dear Ms. Agent,

I'm giving my website a complete overhaul and I've decided to add a news feed to my homepage. The only problem is that I don't have any news to announce. I was hoping that you'd consider signing me to your roster so I could announce it on my site.

I have a novel I've been working on... well, it's really more of a short story so far, but I think it has the potential to become a great series. It's called KABOOM, but it was originally called SHA-ZAM, and I've been advised to change it to HOY-OH. It's about a librarian. Let me know what you think.

I don't have a domain name yet, but I'll buy one as soon as my first royalty cheque arrives.

Can't wait to hear from you,

Inky

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EvaBrick
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PostSubject: Re: World's worst nudge   Tue Mar 01, 2011 6:04 pm

Okay, how's this one? :D


Dear Agent,






Sincerely yours,
EvaBrick

P.S. Since I strongly suspect that you don't read these things before you reject them, I just left the page blank.

Enclosed: Sample chapter and SASE
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