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 Please comment on my revised query and synopsis

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Posts : 3
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Join date : 2011-03-01

Please comment on my revised query and synopsis Empty
PostSubject: Please comment on my revised query and synopsis   Please comment on my revised query and synopsis EmptySun May 01, 2011 12:58 pm

Dear Ms.

The pursuit of lost knowledge of the ancient world pits archaeologist Nora Mathews and her boyfriend, former CIA agent Bill Johnson, against the archaic Cult of Tanit. This cult, once a proud religious order, is now only interested in the treasure for its immense value. Priceless scrolls believed to have been rescued from the famous Library at Alexandria in Egypt, may be buried in the silt-filled harbor of ancient Ephesus, Turkey.

As Nora’s team gets closer to finding the lost scrolls, members of the cult launch a campaign to scare her away. When one of Nora’s colleagues is murdered, Bill’s training kicks in to keep Nora and her team out of danger. Escalating attacks include a deadly car chase followed by the blackmailing of a team member, and then the excavation crew is rocked by the abduction of another team member. Nora, consumed by her ambition, keeps the greatest dig of her life going. Shovels of dirt away from her career-making discovery, she ignores Bill’s plea to give up the excavation. Instead, she faces down the cult and its psychotic leader.

The Carthage Connection a 90.000 word thriller set in the ruins at Ephesus. I have attached my synopsis In accordance with your
submission requirements.

Thank you for your consideration.


Archaeologist Nora Mathews needs to restore her sagging reputation. Working with a colleague, she is excavating a boat in the silt-filled harbor of ancient Ephesus, Turkey. Nora believes the boat’s origin is Carthage. Her boyfriend, former CIA operative Bill Johnson is joining her for a working vacation.

When Bill’s plane begins its descent into Istanbul airport, it lurches violently. The starboard engine is belching flames and smoke. Bill thinks the fire must be the result of a rare malfunction. His seatmate, Mossad agent Rebecca Schuler believes the fire is the result of a terrorist attack intended as a warning to Bill. Although damaged, the plane lands safely.

The Mossad has been following the activities of the Cult of Tanit from Tunisia, which has joined forces with a Turkish terrorist group. The Cult believes the boat Nora is excavating contains priceless cargo rescued by their ancestors and that now rightfully belongs to them. Mossad’s concern is that the Cult is after the treasure to raise money to fund actions in Israel.

As Nora and Bill drive to the excavation site, they are attacked. Nora guns the engine and they race to the site only to learn that her colleague has been murdered. A police investigation reveals a symbol found at the murder scene that Nora identifies as the sign of the Cult, providing legitimacy to Rebecca’s claim. Bill, fearing more attacks, wants the dig called off. Nora refuses, believing the Cult’s activity is a sign she’s on the verge of a career-making discovery.

The team’s work is interrupted by a gaunt, bent stranger. He identifies himself as a representative of the Egyptian Department of Antiquities. He recites a tale regarding the possibility of a fabulous discovery. In 48 BC, Julius Caesar was at war in Egypt. Outnumbered at Alexandria, he orders his ships burned to frustrate his enemy. The fire spreads to the dock and then to the Great library. A merchant ship manned by members of the Carthaginian Cult of Tanit is enlisted to help rescue some of the priceless scrolls.

Stories of the treasure, handed down through the millennia, become muddled. Eventually, both the location and the substance of the treasure are lost. Now descendants of the Cult are desperate to obtain the treasure to fund their extremist activities. The recovery of this lost history of the ancient world becomes an all-consuming passion for Nora.

Work on the boat reveals little and the team begins excavating the debris field. Traveling back to their hotel, Nora, Bill and Rebecca notice they are being followed. On an empty stretch of highway, a fiery accident takes the lives of their pursuers. The police examination reveals that all four occupants had the symbol of the Cult burned into their palms. Bill’s growing concern forces him to again press Nora to call off the dig. Nora refuses, believing the Cult’s escalating activity means she’s getting closer.

The Cult seems to know the status of the excavation. The team discovers the warehouse used to store artifacts has been broken into. In addition, the excavation site is recklessly dug out. One of the graduate students explains that a member of the Cult is blackmailing her for information.

With their source compromised, the Cult breaks into the team’s hotel rooms. Rebecca walks in on them and is abducted. The Mossad agent manages to escape before being interrogated. The Cult leader, faced with no alternatives, meets with Nora. Claiming the treasure for his group, he alleges it was never his intention to hurt anyone, blaming the attacks on renegade members of his group who are now in police custody.

Sixteen large wooden crates of Egyptian origin are discovered. In the presence of representatives from Turkey and Egypt, Nora opens the artifacts. They contain hundreds of scrolls, proving the legend true. The wealth of documents will provide Nora the credibility she so desperately needs to sustain her place in the archaeological community.
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Posts : 82
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Join date : 2011-02-03

Please comment on my revised query and synopsis Empty
PostSubject: Re: Please comment on my revised query and synopsis   Please comment on my revised query and synopsis EmptyMon May 09, 2011 8:40 am

I thought the opening sentence of your query was too wordy, and (to be completely honest) kinda boring. BUT, the opening sentence of your synopsis was awesome! It grabbed my interest right away. You should use that to open your query and then work in the rest of the query's first paragraph.
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