Here's something I came up with when I was messing around with some ideas. It's just a joke!
I really don't know what to say. I thought we had something beautiful...
It all happened exactly as I'd dreamed it would. I sent you a query, you responded and asked for a partial. I sent the partial and you asked for the full. It was like you couldn't get enough of me! I felt like we really clicked in those short one-liner e-mails... I waited to hear back from you. I had my hair done and everything because I was SURE that you were going to invite me to NYC and we'd fall in love and you'd sell all my books and I'd be totally rich and you'd be totally admiring of me... I mean, when you say, "I prefer .rtf files," what else is a girl supposed to think?
I believed so strongly in the strength of our relationship and in the devine twists of fate that JUST HAD TO BRING US TOGETHER that I waited four whole months before I sent you the first nudge. It hurt me to send that nudge. I'm not kidding - I felt actual physical pain because I knew that we were drifting apart... but I hung in there. I sent you flowers! I sent you diabetic chocolate, cause my friend found out you were diabetic when she went through your trash. Did you find the concert tickets under your winshield wiper? I hope you took my manuscript and not your floozy intern, you son of a bitch!
And the pictures - I can't believe I took those pictures and sent them to you... I've never done anything like that before, but I wanted you to see some cover ideas I had for our beautiful manuscript. I made a fool out of myself for you!
We were perfect for each other, you cad! But my manuscript was never good enough for you, was it? You just felt it up a little and tossed it on your slush pile with your other used, papercliped pages.
Goodbye forever! You've ruined my life!